The Horns of Nimon

I have a confession to make: The Horns of Nimon is one of my favorite Doctor Who stories. I know that, like most of Season 17, it looks hopelessly cheap. I know that the Anethans are as wet as a bag of Adrics. I know that that there is some hamtastic acting going on, especially Graham Crowden’s Soldeed.

Soldeed's death being one of Doctor Who's most bizarre moments but this I can forgive. Soldeed is quite clearly a lunatic before the appearance of multiple Nimon pushes him right off the sanity express. He's supposed to be the last surviving scientist on Skonnos and I like to think the reason he survived the civil war was that his scientific expertise was in something odd and esoteric, which makes his later rubbishness as a scientist slightly more explicable, especially as there are no other scientists left to contradict him. Until the Doctor arrives.

However, despite all the obvious negatives, there is a kind of wonderful glory about the whole thing to me. Tom and Lalla are on sparkling form, the script contains some great wit and charm and the Nimon themselves have been given a genuine menace totally outweighed by their actual appearance, certainly compared with our friends the Mandrels.

For once the cheap look of the sets is excusable. After all, this is an Empire on the wane. It can’t even do fist-waving and cheering properly anymore. Their ships are old and unstable so the fact that the co-pilot is a dumpy, unthreatening bully desperate to get home even if it means cutting corners makes sense. The co-pilot's regular cries of ‘Weakling Scum!’ hark back to a time when the Skonnon Empire meant something.

They are also a key factor in the creation of my Horns of Nimon drinking game the rules of which can be found in Issue 9 of The Terrible Zodin fanzine, which can be found here: http://doctorwhottz.blogspot.com/ along with some bits of this review, which in true Douglas Adam's style I have recycled and extended.

The relationship between the Doctor and Romana II is one of the great Doctor-Companion relationships. When I was young and a less cynical chap the fact that there were two bright, charming and witty people plotting the downfall of tyrants and monsters armed with just “A teaspoon* and an open mind” was why Doctor Who was so great. No one apologised for being intelligent and witty. Only the bad guys had no sense of humour. It was what the world should be like.

The story itself is just Theseus and the Monitor in Space with a dash of the Trojan Horse thrown in. The Nimon invade by stealth offering gifts to the people of Skonnos. But we learn this is just a devious way of draining a planet of its natural resources before pinging down a black hole to the next likely victim. Beware Nimon baring gifts. We get to see what they do when Romana arrives on Crinoth, the Nimon's previous victim planet.

On Crinoth Romana gets to meet Sezom, the Soldeed of Crinoth. Played by the wonderful John Bailey, Sezom provides both huge chunks of exposition and a little bit of dignity. It is Sezom's story that spells out to us the vampiric nature of the Nimon.

Every time I finish watching it The Horns of Nimon makes me happy and whilst some of that might be down to dumb nostalgia I’d like to think there’s more to it than that. The Horns of Nimon is what brilliant people can produce when they’ve got no money but lots of inspiration.

I know a lot of Doctor Who fans find the Graham Williams era silly and childish. I think it’s generally the opposite. Doctor Who is a family show made for everyone from 6 to 65 but it is at its best when it's adult smart but child friendly. When a story can be enjoyed on various different levels with a bit of terror thrown in. Aimed to entertain children it might be, childish it ain't. Although as The Doctor himself once said, “What’s the point in being grown up, if you can’t be childish sometimes.”

*It should be noted that said teaspoon makes a reappearance in the final episode The Horns of Nimon in a nice little moment between the Doctor and Romana.

The Nightmare of Eden

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: and I loved Nightmare of Eden. Unfortunately, I put away childish things and now Nightmare of Eden just doesn't work. It's entertaining in a 'so bad, it's good' kind of a way but this might rival Invasion of Time as the worst story of the Tom Baker era - so far.

The reason it doesn't work is that it falls off the tightrope that a few late Tom Baker stories walk from funny into out and out silliness. And yet this is supposed to be a story about drug smuggling and drug addiction. At a different time in Doctor Who history this might have turned into a dark, dark tale but unfortunately it is in Season Seventeen.

One of the problems is Tom Baker. I love Tom Baker's Doctor. He's MY Doctor. He's eccentric & intelligent but not everything he does works and it takes firm direction to stop him turning some of his ideas into reality. The scene in the final episode where he disappears into the Eden projection and does the 'my arms, my legs...my everything' stuff is so misjudged as to render any tension or fear created by the previous four episodes redundant. There's not much of that anyway.

That is because the main monster threat, the Mandrels are about as threatening as Fozzy Bear. They're badly designed - particularly the legs again; flimsy and frankly risible. The cliffhanger at the end of episode one where one bursts through some polystyrene, arms akimbo and roaring is one of the series most unintentionally amusing moments ever. I actually laughed out loud, which isn't what I suspect the production team were aiming for but as I said perhaps I'm getting old.

The scenes where the Mandrels are seen through television screen massacring some of the passengers should be horrific and terrifying but they're not. They seem to kill people by swatting them casually out of the way, rather than ripping them to bits with claws and they just don't work.

Of course the real 'monster' in this story is Vraxoin, the drug being smuggled by Tryst (Lewis Fiander) & Dymond (Geoffrey Bateman). There is some attempt to convey the seriousness of the problem. The Doctor and Romana talk of whole planets being destroyed by the addiction and we see its effect on two of the Empress's crew, Secker (Stephen Jenn) and Captain Rigg (a woefully underused David Daker) but this part of the story is so anchored it the 'reality' of drug addiction that it seems insulting to tag it on to this silly story.

Lewis Fiander's performance as Tryst features an accent of baffling origins and overt silliness, allegedly encouraged by his friend Tom Baker. It isn't quite as bad a performance as you might think but the ridiculous accent hamstrings him from the off and makes him less of a threat.

Then there are Officers Fisk (Geoffrey Hinsliff) and Costa (Peter Craze). These two idiots are supposed to be police officers but seem to be a dumb as a bag of spanners. I know Geoffrey Hinsliff is a good actor, he was lovely in Image of the Fendahl but in this, he seems totally miscast and out of place. I can see where the seeds for 'Shooty' and 'Bang Bang' the two coppers from the Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy were sown now (well that and Starsky and Hutch).

Finally, we have Della (Jennifer Lonsdale) and Stott (Barry Andrews), the love-lorn couple separated on Eden when Stott is given up for dead. Unfortunately for Lonsdale and Andrews they're just the supporting good guys so they're as dull as ditchwater and neither of them has to stretch their acting chops much.

The design doesn't help. It looks cheap. It looks flat, although Eden's jungle - the little we see of it - is impressively realized. It definitely has the feel of a 'running out of budget, near the season's end' story, which is a shame.

The CET machine is a clever idea, although slightly similar to the Miniscope and the fact that the accident between the Hecate and the Empress makes the CET unstable & allows creatures to escape from it is good.

You won't find yourself bored watching Nightmare of Eden but you might find it annoying, laughable and a little silly, which if you're that way inclined will probably mean it isn't the sort of Doctor Who story you'll enjoy.

[Actually, re-reading my own review here I think I'm incredibly harsh on Nightmare of Eden. Yes, the Mandrels don't quite work but the story as a whole is much cleverer than I give it credit for here. On re-watch, I enjoyed it a lot more and I wonder if I was in a bad mood when I did this review. I found that underneath the patina of silliness was a much darker and smarter story. Ignore this review.]

Creature From The Pit

Creature From The Pit is odd. I enjoyed watching it but there are moments when the BBC budgets and borderline silliness make it a bit awkward. In particular we have the Erato problem, but more on that later.

The Doctor and Romana II land on Chloris, a planet where metal is scarce. The Lady Adrasta rules with the aid of wolf weeds and there is a mysterious creature in a pit with whom it will turn out Lady Adrasta has previous. The Doctor gets dragged into things, as is his wont and Chloris will never be the same again.

It just about works because all the actors involved treat it with the requisite levels of seriousness. Even the chaps playing the Monty Pythonesque comic relief bandits don't go over the top. They're clearly escapees from a totally different television series but their presence, whilst mildly irritating isn't crippling.

Credit to Tom Baker who is often criticized for 'silliness' but who manages to play his scenes with Erato as if he were dealing with a real alien creature rather than a giant glowing green testicle monster with an unfortunately phallic protuberance made out of weather balloons, wood and green paint. There is no way of getting around the fact that Erato is one of the series least impressive creations, at least when interacting with the cast. Nothing the director or cast does can distract from its glowing green bollocky nature I'm afraid.

Erato and the comedy bandits are the stories negatives, alongside the sudden switch of the Huntsman (David Telfer) from a bad guy to a good guy. This is the man in charge of the wolf weeds, which are rolling balls of vegetation used to hunt and capture Adastra's enemies. A man who we can assume has been responsible for one or two moments of "unpleasantness" in his time but with whom the Doctor seems happy to treat as an ally at the end. It just feels a little wrong.

However, there are many positives that include a lovely script featuring two of my favorite Doctor Who lines ever (although the final episode features large amounts of technobabble and a chunk of padding).

There is a wonderfully judged performance from Geoffrey Bayldon as the astrologer Organon, which would be worth the entry price alone.

Myra Frances makes Lady Adastra a villainess with a crisp, cold bite and Eileen Way gives her excellent support as her right-hand woman Karela. Frances is particularly good as Adrasta starts to unravel a bit as her plans start to fall apart and her interactions with K9 are priceless.

Eileen Way appeared in the first Doctor Who story ever as 'Old Mother'. Here she is sixteen years later having hardly appeared to age. It's uncanny, but I digress.

Lalla Ward doesn't get a great deal to do in this story but does what she needs to do well, although she does seem to have come dressed for a wedding. 

In the end this is an enjoyable enough story that teeters on the brink of silliness but just about stays on the right side of it helped mainly by a cast that doesn't let the ridiculousness of what they're doing affect their performance. There are worse stories in Doctor Who but not many worse-looking monsters.

City of Death

Is there a more quotable Doctor Who story in existence than The City of Death? Is there a script as witty or as much fun? Is this the perfect Classic Doctor Who?

Perhaps.

We get a wonderful script, which is credited to David Agnew (a BBC pseudonym) but mainly written by Douglas Adams. An exceptional supporting cast: Julian Glover as Count Scarlioni aka Scaroth, last of the Jaggaroth is the main villain of the piece. He's intelligent, dangerously charming and Julian Glover is such an excellent actor that he manages to make Scaroth frightening without ever having to raise his voice. He's a master of delivering threats that sound like polite requests.

Then there's Catherine Schell as the Countess, a very beautiful woman...probably and Tom Chadbon as Duggan, a private detective with a penchant for violence against people and windows. The interplay between the Doctor, Romana and Duggan are blissful to watch, especially the Doctor's frustrating with Duggan continually knocking people out whilst in conversation.

Some might criticize David Graham as Kerensky, the Count's pet scientist for a frankly ridiculous accent* but he hits all the right notes in my book and when the Count says that he can't believe that such a large intelligence can live in such a small mind he hits the nail on the head. Kerensky is a classic Doctor Who character, the scientist too focused on his work to ask - or perhaps care - about what that work might lead to.

[Update: In fact, the short conversation between The Doctor and Kerensky is a rather lovely little lecture on scientific responsibility. It's actually much meatier than its tone might make you think.]

There are nice performances from people in minor roles to Kevin Flood as Hermann the Butler is a masterclass in polite psychopathy. [Jeeves with a pistol] We even get a little appearance by the wonderful Peter Halliday as a bemused Renaissance guard with cold hands. Not to mention the best cameo in Doctor Who history in the final episode when John Cleese and Eleanor Bron make a very minor appearance as art critics.

Then there's Paris. The first story filmed outside the UK and having the Doctor run around the streets of Paris, instead of London is nice, even if there's an element of 'Wish You Were Here' about making sure we see all the sights. Just to prove it is Paris. It does feel sometimes as if we are watching 'guerilla filming' as some shots seem to have been done on the cuff, e.g. the scenes on the Metro in episode one.

I was going to say that the problem with that, of course, is that it makes the studio scenes seem a bit flat but it doesn't. The only scenes that don't really work in the studio are those in the cafe when a series of morose gun-wielding fedora-wearing grunts hold up the Doctor, Romana, and Duggan without anyone raising the alarm. They are probably the only dud moments in the story.

[I think the thugs dress sense is based on a lot of French policiers from the 60s and 70s like Le Cercle Rouge and Le Samourai but I'm prepared to be corrected.]

Finally, we have two pitch-perfect performances by the leads. Tom Baker and Lalla Ward seem to be having the time of their lives, relishing being both in Paris & having a great script to work with. Lalla Ward in a schoolgirl outfit is also a pleasure, although whether the modern series would do this is an interesting point.

Tom gets some wonderful scenes from his first meeting with the Count and Countess. One of the best moments is his cold dismissal of the Countess in the final episode where he talks about her 'discretion and charm'. It's quite nasty in its way, even though it is couched quite lightly.

I've said before that there's no such thing as a perfect Doctor Who story and one can quibble about a few technical things, especially around Scaroth's 'big head' and disguises but frankly it's like looking at a masterpiece and complaining about the frame.

This is one of my favorite Doctor Who stories of all time and it borders on the magnificent at points. Apparently, Doctor Who fans at the time didn't like the story. They thought it was silly, which just goes to show that no one is worse at judging Doctor Who sometimes than its own fans. It's actually a serious story, the fate of mankind is at real risk. It's just couched in a script filled with genuine wit. There's very little actual 'silliness', but lots of wit.

And that I like. So if you're a new series fan and you've never watched an old episode you could do much, much worse than dig this one out for a watch.

[19/12/2013 I'd stick to that judgment to some degree, although perhaps less so after this watch. It seems to me there's a gaping plot problem here, which is if Scaroth succeeds then he's surely creating a time loop. He goes back in time, stops his ship exploding, and his people getaway but if he stops his ship exploding he can't have been splintered in time and built a time machine in a 1979 Parisian basement. That means he can't have gone back in time to save his ship, which means his ship still explodes splintering him in time ad infinitum. This timey-wimey stuff isn't quite as straightforward as it looks.

But it's still great fun, eminently quotable and rather beautiful in its way. Whatever happens to Doctor Who, we'll always have Paris.]

Destiny of the Daleks

We kick off Season 17 with Destiny of the Daleks, written by Dalek creator Terry Nation. I have grown tired of Terry Nation's scripts over the course of this blog because it seems to me that having created The Daleks back in 1963 Nation got lazy. The best Dalek stories tend to be written by other writers.

However, the additional input of script editor Douglas Adams helps breathe some life into this script. It isn't great but it isn't terrible either.

Perhaps the most controversial issue is the light-hearted approach to both Romana's regeneration and the Daleks themselves. Yes, I think it is a shame that Romana didn't get a 'proper' regeneration story - something I suspect New Who wouldn't have missed out on - and it is a shame that it is such a throwaway. In that sense, it does make regeneration less 'significant' but the trying on of bodies bothers me less. I've justified it in my head as being some kind of projections for the Doctor to look at whilst Romana tries to get him to approve 'copying' Princess Astra's body.

[Re-watch note - I notice Romana says she is 'regenerating' through this bit, not 'I've regenerated' implying it is an ongoing process not throwing away incarnations. I also note she refers to herself as a Gallifreyan, not a Time Lord. I suppose that can mean something or nothing depending on your point of view.]

The piss-taking of the Daleks is less easy to justify. It undermines them as an enemy, not helped by the rather shoddy looking nature of the Dalek props at this point. In fact, this is the point at which, picking up the banner from Genesis, the Daleks become the muscle to Davros. They're dull and stupid robots in this story, as opposed to the devious creatures of previous stories. Everyone in the Doctor Who production office at this point seems to have forgotten they are semi-organic. It's Davros that the Doctor gets to pit his wits against.

[I got more annoyed about this on re-watch. After all, Terry Nation wrote both Dalek origins stories so he should KNOW they're not robots. They have, to quote Professor Jansen: 'an organic content'. Although on a re-re-watch the implication seems to have been that without Davros the Daleks went all robotic and eliminated their organic content altogether.]

David Gooderson plays Davros this time around, not Michael Wisher. This is a shame because there is something missing from Gooderson's portrayal. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is but it just isn't as sparky. It certainly doesn't feel as 'deep' as Wisher.

[And his feet are going like billy-o when he's moving about. Rather obviously]

The other 'enemy' in this story is the robotic Movellans who I like because they're well designed (sort of disco ancient Egyptians if that makes any sense) and well played by Peter Straker, (the underappreciated but wonderful) Tony Osoba and Suzanne Danielle.

[There's an interesting story to be written about Movellan origins I think. But I'm a bit weird like that.]

There is also a smattering of prisoners. The main one is Tyssan (Tim Barlow) who doesn't get much to do except delivering the occasional piece of exposition early on and then runs around a bit thereafter. Also in amongst the prisoners is a young David Yip (who later went on to play the Chinese Detective in the early-1980s: a series I have fond memories of but haven't seen since it was broadcast).

It's a surprising multi-racial cast for Doctor Who of this period with the Movellans played mainly by BAME actors and the human prisoners being a cross-section of all races.

The plot itself is simple. The Daleks have come to Skaro to find Davros. They need his help to defeat the Movellans - with whom they've been stuck in a centuries-long stalemate. The Doctor and Romana II arrive and hi-jinks follow.

This is the Doctor's first use of the Randomiser, which takes him straight to Skaro, which doesn't bode well, does it? If the first thing your Randomiser does is take you back to the planet of your greatest enemies I'd be tempted to unplug the thing and do a little rewiring.

Tom's good in this but I should give a nod to Lalla Ward (Romana II). I have a soft spot for Romana II from my childhood. Lalla Ward gives her all the right notes & is basically playing a female Doctor. She and Tom clearly have chemistry, although at what point they became an item off-screen I don't know. Anyway, it works as a partnership.

So Destiny of the Daleks is OK with the only downside being the Daleks themselves (as I've already mentioned) and the cheap-looking nature of the corridors on the Dalek city. One of Season 17's problems - from my memory - is that it is the first time where Doctor Who's financial shortcomings really start to reflect in sets. But I might be being a little harsh as the Dalek control room looks pretty good - even if you can walk into it without any degree of significant hassle, which again undermines the 'threat' of the Daleks.

Perhaps the very definition of average Doctor Who at a time when even the average stuff was pretty good fun.

[With additional quibbles I'll stick to that judgment.]

The Armageddon Factor

Alas, the disappointment that was The Power of Kroll is followed by an equally disappointing and overlong finale. The Armageddon Factor is pretty poor.

It drags. O heaven's it drags. Those interminable scenes between K9 and Mentalis; the endless circling of corridors; Merak and Astra who are the pathetic and cow-eyed lovers of the story and the Shadow's repeated villainous laughter. And there's a convenient time loop that allows us to watch the same scenes over and over again even after we've got the point so as to fill up precious time. It's like watching paint dry on a damp day.

I know all of that sounds harsh but the Key to Time started off so well but ended with a disappointing whimper. A season-long story arc - something we are now more than familiar with in New Who - that was simply an excuse to link a loose series of adventures and which is then thrown away at the end.

Twenty-six episodes spent gathering the Key to Time together in order to save the Universe by command of the White Guardian and the Doctor just breaks it all up when he realizes that he's talking to the Black Guardian.

The Black Guardian hasn't even taken charge of events himself. He's left The Shadow to deal with things and as often is the case when subordinates take charge in Doctor Who this turns out to be a bad idea. The Black Guardian claims he has been expecting this all along. In which case why the hell drag us through all of that. Why not just wait until the Doctor's collected all the bits and then pull the Guardian swap? It's almost Master-ish in its ineptitude.

The Shadow is such a total idiot that his method of mind control requires sticking a large obvious thing on someone's neck in a place where it can be seen. No cunning hypnosis, no circuits hidden behind ears...oh no. It must be a licorice allsort stuck on the neck.

The White Guardian - perhaps lulled into a coma by the sheer tediousness of the last six-episode - can't even be bothered to turn up for a curtain call.

There are some good bits: the final segment being a person, not an inanimate object; the insane military mindedness of the Marshall, which John Woodvine plays like a Shakespearean villain having a nervous breakdown; Drax (Barry Jackson) the wideboy Time Lord with a London accent following ten years in Brixton prison I like. It's fun to see a Time Lord who isn't an out and out villain, just a little dodgy.

Tom's a tad off the beat in this to. Like he's performing in a slightly different story to the rest of the cast. Mary Tamm looks lovely but you can see why she wanted to leave as Romana doesn't get a great deal to do. It's a bit of a waste of talent.

However, I reserve the worst of my ire for poor old Ian Saynor's Marek who is supposed to be a surgeon but spends most of the story wondering around like a lost puppy but with less intelligence. It's not the actor's fault really, it's the badly written nature of the part. Lalla Ward does slightly better as Princess Astra (aka the Sixth Segment), especially in the final couple of episodes but that's because she's given more to do than Ian Saynor. Marek's not even two-dimensional but Astra is.

I'm being a bit harsh on this perhaps but mainly because it is such a poor end to a season that started off well. I can see this one gathering dust on the shelves for some time to come.

Power of the Kroll

The Kroll - It's Big

I'm not going to pussyfoot around here. This is pretty rubbish stuff, especially for a Robert Holmes script. It's definitely the dud of the Key to Time Season so far.

There are some good bits: the scenes in the Suffolk swamps look good; Tom Baker and Mary Tamm put in good, solid performances and it has both Philip Madoc and John Abineri in it but whilst Abineri does the best with what he's given - especially as he's painted green! - Madoc's heart just doesn't seem to be in it. He's not even the main villain, which is such a waste of his talents. Instead, that part is played by Neil McCarthy, who does a competent enough job.

I think the actors playing the crew of the methane engineering plant - yes, it's that exciting a location - are hamstrung by being asked to deliver chunks of explanation whilst conveying oodles of seriousness. What this means is there are far too many scenes of good actors shouting at each other, standing with their hands on hips and staring meaningfully at computer screens. It's a waste of all their talents really.

I should note that we get to see John Leeson - the voice of K9 - in the flesh as Dugeen (the liberal wishy-washy one of the methane engineers). He gets a nice death scene, shot by Neil McCarthy's Thawn and dying with a look of shock, surprise, and disappointment on his face.

Thawn's a nasty piece of work. He's in cahoots with arms smuggler Rohm-Dutt (Glyn Owen) to set up the Swampies so he can wipe them out. He doesn't see the poor, green Swampies as 'civilized' and wants them out of the way so that they can get on with exploiting the resources available to him. But unfortunately he never quite gets above the level of boring minor psychopath.

The Kroll itself is a 140ft tall pseudo-Octopus. It's a brave challenge for late 70's Doctor Who and it doesn't quite work. Partly because of the poor split-screen work when it is required to appear with others and partly because tentacles don't work in Doctor Who. (One day I'll write extensively on this but see Spearhead from Space for another dodgy example).

The Swampies also illustrate another Doctor Who flaw. The use of nice BBC actors to portray the religious rites of 'primitives'. A gathering of Equity types painted green waving spears does not a convincing scene make I'm afraid. John Abineri plays the leader of the Swampies and does a sterling job considering how ridiculous he is made to look. There is an innate gravity and dignity to Abineri, which shines through even under a coating of green paint.

Basically, it is a dull runaround, flatly directed and featuring too many good actors given too little to do. There's a political story - about racism and colonialism - in here struggling to get out and as The Sun Makers shows when Robert Holmes gets satirical he's sharp and funny. Maybe the problem is just that Kroll is too bloody serious, which makes it worthy but boring.

It is Robert Holmes's only real Doctor Who dud (although The Space Pirates isn't great either) it brings the momentum of the Key to Time season to a shuddering halt just before the six-part climax: The Armageddon Factor.